Today, on the anniversary of Halle’s birth, I reflect on my experience.

At the end of July of last year, I found out that I was pregnant. At the time, it was not good news. I had three wonderful, healthy boys and I thought that my family was complete. I never wanted a big family and neither did Brock. I was just getting my feet under me after having Kaden. Kaden had just turned a year old! It is not easy having 3 growing boys, a house and husband to take care of and be a full time teacher. I wanted to be the best wife, mother, and teacher possible and I didn’t think that I was doing a great job at any of them as I tried to juggle all of them. Another child was not in the plans. Brock had a saying that I adopted as well. When it comes to children “it is quality, not quantity”. The more kids you have, the less time you have to devote to each child. We already felt like we were giving all we had. How would we have enough, time, energy, and money to take care of all four kids? I was scared, no I was terrified. Amazingly, Brock handled the news much easier than I did and took on the roll of reassuring me and trying to make sure that I was okay.

Most people know that I always dreamed of having a little girl. So each time I got pregnant and found out it was a boy, I knew that I would try one more time for a girl. But after Kaden, I thought I was done!!! I loved each one of my boys more than you know. I just knew that I would miss out on some things that you can only do with your daughter. So, I had decided that this baby was a boy and I was perfectly okay with it. So much so that when the technician told me that it was a girl, I didn’t believe it. I honestly thought that when I had the baby that they would be apologizing for getting the sex wrong and tell me that I was the new momma to 4 beautiful boys.

I was honestly terrified throughout my whole pregnancy. How are we going to be able to afford childcare for all of these kids? Groceries? Fun stuff? How will I have the time to devote to what they need? Will Brock and I have any time together? What about time for myself? I had 3 healthy children, how would I be so lucky to get another healthy child? 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells me that God will not give me more than I can handle. I heard that over and over and I have faith, but I didn’t know how I would be able to handle it.

I had the hardest time naming her because I just didn’t think that it was true. Maybe if I didn’t name her, I wasn’t really pregnant. If I named her and then she came out a boy, it would feel like I lost my daughter. I was just so scared. I knew that her middle name was going to be Marie. Marie is my middle name and my grandmother’s name. I couldn’t think of a better person to her after. I went through a million names because this precious girl who I had waited so long for needed a perfect name. There is no perfect name, but we chose Halle. It was different and there weren’t too many people named Halle.

On March 23rd, 2009, my angel was born. I couldn’t believe that she was actually a girl and she was perfect. She was beautiful from the first moment I saw her. Somehow the minute I saw her, all of my fears went away and I thanked God for his blessing.

Halle Bear, as Brock and I affectionately call her, is the best little girl ever! We honestly could not ask for a better daughter. She is happy, content, beautiful, and ours. She never cries, smiles all the time and is just so fun. There is not a time since she has been here that I have questioned God’s blessing and gift. The boys are wonderful with her and love her to pieces.

Our family is complete and wonderful. I am disappointed in myself for questioning God’s plan for me and my family. He definitely knew what he was doing. I don’t know what I would do without Miss Halle. I can’t wait to see what she grows up to be. I am excited to see how she interacts with the boys as she grows up. She is going to be one tough little girl, but will the boys be more gentle with her because she is a girl? Who will she be closest with? Will the boys interrogate her boyfriends? Which boy will be the most protective of her?

There are so many things that I look forward to do with Halle as well. I can’t wait to have conversations about her clothes and jewelry. I can’t wait to play dolls and barbies. I can’t wait to go to girl movies. I can’t wait to go shopping together or just go out for lunch and talk girl talk. I can’t wait to hear about the boy that makes her heart skip a beat. I can’t wait to go shopping for her wedding dress. I can’t wait to watch her bring her child into the world (if she let’s me). I can’t wait to change into her friend plus mother as she becomes an adult. I can’t wait for her to call me for advice.

While there are so many things that I am excited and anxious about in the future, I am happy to watch her toddle around the house, play with her brothers, lay on Simba’s belly, and just be one. I love to hold her and give her a bottle before she lays down to go to sleep at night and I love to walk into her room and see that big smile on her face. I love to take millions of pictures of her and I love to watch her brothers give her kisses. I love to see her grow and change each day.

I am blessed beyond measure. I give God all the glory. I would not have the AMAZING family that I have without Him. Happy Birthday Halle Bear, I love you more than you will ever know!