What's with me???

I have been so emotional the last few days.

I know that we have to leave the house at least every other day during the summer for all of us to keep our sanity. Well, I didn't do that this week. We went swimming at mom's on Tuesday but stayed home all day Wednesday and Thursday. It was all fine until about 4:00 on Thursday. All the sudden everything got to me. I am trying to potty train Jaxson and he didn't go in the toilet at all Thursday so I had several messes to clean up. Kaden doesn't want me to move and any time that I move from one room to another, I am to pick him up and take him with me. I have been working REALLY hard to really clean my house and it looks like I haven't done a thing all week. I had my kitchen and living room completely clean by 4 on Wednesday and by 8 it was destroyed!!! Jax and Connor were arguing and competing over everything...So I was just a little frustrated or overwhelmed or something!! So, by the time Brock got home and I got everyone fed, I needed a break. So, I went to my room to "take a break". Of course I could hear Kaden crying for momma and you can't really relax when you hear your sweet baby crying your name, so I came back out. After a little while I calmed down and everything was okay. I feel so bad when I get like this. I love these boys so much and I am so thankful that I have a job where I can spend a couple of months at home with them. Am I the only one who goes through this? Do stay-at-home moms go through this? I just feel bad.

Anyways, so I go to bed at like midnight and can not sleep. My mind is going a 100 miles an hour as usual so I can't calm down enough to go to sleep. Kaden will be 1 in about two weeks! I am so sad. Ever since Kaden was born I've had issues. I don't want any more kids, but I can't come to terms with the fact that I won't have any more. I had a hard time putting my maternity clothes away. Each diaper size increase, I cry. I know I need to start transitioning him from a bottle to a cup. When I do this, I will never have another baby in my house. I will never have another 1st birthday to plan. I will never experience bringing my new baby home to his family. The list goes on and on. I know, I know everyone probably goes through this, but when you are the one going through it, you feel very alone.

A couple of days ago I was going through Connor's scrapbooks and I was so sad. I don't really remember him as a baby. I guess I expected to be able to close my eyes and still feel him in my arms...I can't. He is almost 7...7. When did that happen? Where was I? I fear him being 16 and me not being able to remember any of their baby years. I fear Kaden going off to college and feeling empty. I fear that I am not doing the right things to bring them up to be good, honest, happy, sincere, Christian men. What do I know about raising a man, I'm not one. The only thing that I am sure about is that if I pray enough and look to God, he will not steer my in the wrong direction.

So that thought brought me to our house for some reason. When I think about moving into our house, I see a picture that I took of Connor when we moved in, playing in the living room. He was about six months old. So we have been in this house for about 6 1/2 years and so much has happened. I have gone back to college and graduated. I have had 2 sweet babies. We moved into a 4 bedroom house and only used 2...now our house is full and I am having to find places to put stuff. When did all of that happen?

As you can imagine, I was emotional thinking of all of these things. Then today I was watching some of my DVRed shows. I was watching one of my favorites "Army Wives" and I just cried and cried. Kaden just kept looking at me, of course, I would smile at him and do something to make him laugh.

So what is wrong with me? What brings these things on? Why do I worry so much? Why can't I just me the perfect mom, wife, and teacher that I want to be? I will just have to keep trying every day.

Another Goal

The other night I blogged about my goals for the summer. I forgot one of the most important ones...losing weight. Duh! I have struggled with my weight since I gained 100 lbs with Connor. Now that I am REALLY done having babies this is a big priority of mine. Since I got back from vacation, I have done really well not eating too much and with what I have eaten and I started walking again.

I don't mind walking so much, but I hate walking on a treadmill. So my next struggle is that if you know me well you know that Schauna does not like to sweat, but b/c I am going through menopause and sweating alot lately any way I am getting over that. Yes, I know that I am not really going through menopause, but that is how I describe this new phenomenom. The other thing is finding the time to do it. So since I am not teaching right now, I am able to stay up later so I go walking after Kaden goes to sleep, which also helps with the heat. The next obstacle is that I don't like to go by myself. My neighbor and good friend, Jaime, and I used to go every night but then we had 4 kids between the two of us (Connor was already here back then) and life got quite hectic. Jaime and I went walking on Monday night and then I went all by myself tonight, well actually Simba went with me. I had several excuses not to go but I did it! YEAH for me! Anyways, my goal is to go at least every other day. So, we'll see if I make it on Friday.

So this is how I look now...The before picture....


This is my plan for after....

Just a pic of the boys...

So, I have such a hard time getting a picture of all three boys, so here is one I got today.

What To Do, What To Do...

So today is the start of my 3rd week of summer. I did nothing but play with the boys, mainly Kaden, and I am okay with that. The first week was filled with swimming lessons and the second week we were on vacation...but now what?

My plans are to take the boys swimming, meet a friend at Chick Fil A, go to Harry Myers and play at the sprinkler park, and maybe hit one of the $1 movies each week. I want to give them a fun summer but not spend too much money! So that is my weak plan for the kiddos, but what about me???

I have many things to accomplish this summer. So, if I put it down in writing, I HAVE to do it...right?

1. get caught up on my scrapbooking---this is difficult b/c it is hard to get all my stuff out b/c the boys will get into everything.

2. throughly clean each room---my plan is to start tomorrow and do one room a day.

3. organize my drawers and cabinets in the kitchen.

4. organize my laundry room.

5. POTTY TRAIN JAX---this should be way higher on the list, but I am too lazy to move them around.

6. frame pictures to put on the walls.

Okay, well it is late and this is all I can think of now, but each is a big job!

Thursday and Friday

Thursday

We left the hotel to go to the Aquarium. The aquarium was fun, but not what I remembered. It took us less than an hour to tour and see everything. So we left there and went to the souvenir shops. You can’t go on vacation to the beach and not get a 4 for $10 t-shirt! Of course, Brock rolled his eyes at that, but indulged me anyways. Of course, once inside the store, the shirts that you buy are never the cheap ones. The boys each got a shirt, but I was unable to find my sno-globe.

We leave the shop and start our drive to Austin. I know that it is only a 4 hour drive, but it seemed like forever. Do you ever notice how it takes much longer to get home when on a road trip? Anyways, the boys were antsy and I thought that I had lost my camera and phone (which explains why I have no pictures from the aquarium), so I was not in a great mood. When we got to Austin, we were pleased with our $70 a night Priceline hotel. We stayed at the Doubletree in Austin. It was a very nice hotel and the bed was wonderful. We hung around the room for a little while and then decided to go eat. We knew that the capitol was closed so we would have to wait until Friday to go. We ate at Macaroni Grill (my favorite) and then went back to the hotel. I took the boys swimming while Brock and Kaden stayed in the room and played. Connor and Jax love the water as much as I did as a child.


Friday

We got up around 8 and got ready. We left the hotel around 9 and went to Denny’s for breakfast. We ate breakfast and were off to the capitol building. I was so excited. We went to the capitol building because Connor wanted to, but Brock and I ended up being much more excited and impressed with it than my almost 7 year old.

It is a beautiful building with so much history. I like to stand back and just think about all of the things that have happened within those walls and all the people that have been there. I am a nerd, but I love those kinds of things.

The Last 2 Days in Padre

Tuesday

So, we woke up and got dressed for the beach. We went down to the hotel restaurant and eat. It was alright, but way overpriced. From there we went straight out to the beach. We had a great time.

Jax played out in the water but wouldn't get too deep.

Connor, on the other hand, wouldn't come in from the waves.

Kaden did much better. He actually like it a bit. I had to keep pulling him in from getting too deep.

After being in the ocean for about 2 1/2 hours, the boys wanted to go to the pool. So we did. After that we came back to the room for a little while so that Kaden could take a nap. We only napped for like 1 hour because the boys were too loud.

We decided to go into Corpus for dinner and to walk around a bit. We ate at Blackbeards, which is supposed to be haunted. Connor LOVED that. After eating, we went and took pictures around the USS Lexington.

Brock loves this one...


After all of this, we got back to the hotel at around 9. Brock took the boys to the pool.


Wednesday

We woke up and ate...this time we were smarter, we stopped by the convenience store and got donuts for the morning. Kaden ate half of mine and Jax's donuts. Then we headed for the ocean. He played in the ocean for about 2 hours. Then we decided to go in and get cleaned up for lunch. After everyone got cleaned up, we went to lunch. Both of the boys had been asking for pizza, so we found a small pizzeria called, Padre Pizza and stopped. It was WONDERFUL!!! We loved it. After that, we went to Bob Hall's Pier. It was pretty cool, but really hot and the boys running around made us really nervous. We saw a few people catch fish, but not much else. Oh well, I was excited.

We went back to the hotel and Brock took Connor and Jax swimming in the pool so that I could get Kaden to take a nap. He woke up when they came back. We played in the room for awhile and then we went out again for dinner. We ended up at Logan's Roadhouse. Again, we loved it. It is a lot like Texas Roadhouse, which I LOVE. We got back to the hotel and we went back out to the beach. We weren't there long, the waves were really small. We walked out a little way and Brock and I saw something black on the floor of the ocean. I quickly decided I was done and would take Kaden back to the sand. I was done with the beach after seeing that. A few minutes later Connor came out complaining about his stomach and there was a large red spot. We suspect that we was stung by a jellyfish. By that time we were all kindof done. We decided the pool was much safer. We stayed there for quite awhile! We had a great day!!!!


Tomorrow we are off to the aquarium.

Our First Day in Corpus Christi

So we left our house at 9 am, but did not get out of Rockwall until 10!!! There was a wreck and we had to run a few arrands. The boys were great in the car. Kaden did start fussing until about 12:30, so we made it to Austin about 1 and stopped to eat. We ate at BK so that the kids could get some energy out. We were back on the run by 2 and got into Corpus around 5:30. Kaden crying the last 45 minutes of the drive, but overall he did great!!!

The kids were so excited. We got all our luggage up to the room and then went down to look around. I took Connor and Jaxson down by the water and it took everything in me to keep them out of the water. So we left for dinner as I promised that we would come back after dinner.

Today is Brock's birthday, so the choose was his. We went to Doc's seafood (I bet you would have never guessed). It was great food, but it was very hot...I was sweating really bad and we all know how I love to sweat. Kaden was super fussy and made me hold his sippy cup while he drank it....the whole time we were there.

After dinner we went by a gift shop to get the buggy board that Connor wanted so bad. Then we came back to the hotel changed and went to the beach. The boys LOVED it, especially Connor. He went right out into those waves with no fear. Jaxson was not as brave but really got into after a little while. Kaden on the other hand, does not like the sand and water. He doesn't like that he can't get it all back off his hands. Maybe tomorrow he will like it more. Hopefully I will get a chance to blog about tomorrows adventures tomorrow, but right now I better go to sleep. The rest of the family has gotten a head start on sleeping and if I don't go to sleep, tomorrow will be a nightmare!!

Kaden's 1st Haircut

I finally did it!! Kaden has needed a trim for so long but, I just couldn't make myself take him. I finally did it on Saturday. He was so good, he just wanted to look at the stylist the whole time. He looks so cute now!!!

Swimming Lessons

Last week, Connor and Jaxson had swimming lessons. Both of the boys love the water so I really didn't think there would be any problems. I was mostly worried about Jax because in most things, he has no fear.
The first two days went by wonderfully!!! He did such a great job. On the 2nd day, he stepped off of the step in the deep in and went under the water for a few seconds. I pulled him out and he seemed fine, he didn't even cry! On day 3, he started crying half way through it and didn't want to do anything! I thought that it might be because his friend Maddie was crying and he was just following suit. On day 4, they both cried again through pretty much the whole thing. On day 5, Maddie was fine and didn't cry at all, but Jax didn't want to do anything. So I don't think that it was because Maddie was crying. Maybe him going under the water affected him more than I thought??? He ended up cooperating for the last 10 minutes of his last lesson and had a great time.Connor did great! Before going to lessons, he wasn't scared of the water and didn't mind putting his face in the water at all. So the first day or two he learned to swim, but for some reason...he didn't mind swimming and he didn't mind putting his face in the water, but he didn't want to do it at the same time!!! But he did!!! He was so brave and tried things that he was scared to do. By the end of the week, Connor was jumping off the diving board in the deep end and swimming to the side without any help!

I am so proud of both of them!! Laura is a great teacher and I hope to use her every year!!